Stages of Decline

Declining

Dementia carers face very different challenges to other carers. Because nearly all dementia sufferers become immobile, bedridden return to being babies and it’s terminal. There is no treatment nor cure.

Wandering

She would pack her handbags with shoes, underwear, food, to leave to go wandering so I had to take the garden gate keys away from her, so stop her wandering. Felt terrible doing this, but had to, to keep her safe

Loss of Memories

Mum would be become distressed when she could not remember things and I would reassure her by telling her, “I have all your memories, don’t worry, they are safe with me”, then she would relax and not worry about them.

They need 24 hour care. You can’t leave them as they fall and cannot get up. You have no life being a dementia carer. You sacrifice absolutely everything, your health, life, financial security,career, super, you are too tired to see your friends, ring them or go out.

Dementia care takes over your entire life as they decline they can do nothing for themselves

Dementia sucks the life out of carers as we have to be endlessly patient with all the endless stupid things they do as their brains are dying and no longer working. Everyone declines differently.

They can do less and less and return to being toddlers and babies where we have to do everything for them.

Forgot how to use the telephone a blessing, how to use the TV, forgot how to do everything, including putting on their makeup.

They don’t know who you are but don’t tell you.

Loved raspberries stopped eating those. Turned to chocolate eat a packet of tim tams or gaiety a day, didn’t care as long as she was happy.

As they go down will need a walking stick, then walker and then wheelchair. Plus shower chair as they need to sit whilst having a shower.

I ask her “Are you telling porkie pies?” She roars with laughter, but does not know what it means.

Another time Mum said “Is that your car up ahead?” I replied “Mum, we are in my car ?”

Mum kept commenting on my huge feet, and ask “what size shoe do you wear ? " I answer “gigantic or 100” and each day my shoe size got bigger

“Who’s that strange man ?” she would ask of my partner Paul, we would all laugh.

As mum is declining and struggling to walk. I hold both her hands and tell her to put her feet together when she is sitting down to help her stand up. If her feet are apart she has no balance. She tells me “I can’t do it”. I tell her " I can’t carry you !” So she stands up with my help but is quite wobbly on her feet. So then I tell her " stand straight like a pencil, head back." Once she is standing straight, she regains her balance and confidence. Sometimes I say to her when she is all bent over “not like the hunchback of Notre Dame”. Of course she tells me either “don’t be rude” or “you’re being very rude!” I reply, " really, have been working hard at it !" and we both laugh.

They become unsteady on their feet, kept finding mum on the floor. Absolutely Heartbreaking, she had 8 weeks of falls then stopped walking.