A Carers Story on Facebook

Just read this story on one dementia support group on Facebook.

Not my story, mum was never violent nor swore. Not all dementia sufferers are violent or curse or swear. They are all unique !

This is exactly what every carer goes thru - family have zero understanding of what it takes to take care of a loved one at home, full time ! This has a very happy ending.

“Sooooo yesterday was interesting. My hubby wanted to invite some of his family to our BBQ, not a problem. I told them to make sure they understand his mom isn’t who she use to be and things have gotten worse. As I’m cooking outside with everyone MIL comes out wearing bright yellow shorts, pink tank top, cowboy boots and a lampshade. You could’ve heard a pin drop. For us as in me, hubby, our children and their close friends, we are used to this, HOWEVER my in laws and their high horse aren’t. My Mother In Law (MIL) felt embarrassed and started having a melt down, so my daughter and her best friend go find a lampshade and came out wearing it to make her feel comfortable. Here’s where shit got real…..

My MIL sister started telling me that the way we are taking care of her was ridiculous and the reason why she isn’t getting any better is because we keep letting her do whatever she wants. Basically I’m letting her live like an animal. Soooo me being me, I told the bitch that if she didn’t like it, I’d gladly pack her stuff and she can take care of her. If looks could kill, she would’ve killed me. So I asked her, what? No answer????? God forbid she actually cares about her sister, let alone ANY of them care about her. So I told her to ask her sister what color the sky is, she asked her and MIL replied with “Green”. Her sister told her NO, ITS BLUE, my MIL threw a glass at her and called her a cunt and said its GREEN because God loves the color green. This went on for an hour. I pulled up Lewy Body Dementia and had MIL sister read it, also gave her a list of MIL medications and pulled up 2 videos, 1 video was from last year of MIL when she was some-what normal, how they remembered her and another video from 3 months ago, where she took her diaper off and pooped in the living room, when I asked her who did it, you can clearly hear her blame the dog. My husband asked me why I was doing this, I told him I was tired of fighting with his family, tired of them telling me what I should and shouldn’t do.

There wasn’t a dry eye and his aunt wouldn’t stop hugging me and telling me “Thank You “. I told them instead of me being a bitch, I thought I would educate them and if that didn’t work, well I was going to kick them out lol. Before they left my MIL sister sat me down and tried to give me some money, but I wouldn’t take it. Soo she asked what could they buy that MIL needs the most. I told them wipes and diapers. I woke up this morning to a knock on my door and it was packages of diapers. 400 diapers and over 2,000 boxes of wipes, with a note that read:

“There’s no words to describe what an amazing woman you are! Thank you for all your sacrifice, sweat, tears and most of LOVE. I booked your guys getaway for next month in Cancun for a week, everything paid for! Don’t worry, we will be there to take care of my sister while you guys are gone. Thank you for opening up OUR eyes and making us understand what you are going thru. Please let me know if there’s anything else you need.”

The continuing story, every Dementia carer understands this completely, unless you have lived it, no one understands Part 2

My MIL sister came over yesterday. The same 1 who sent me diapers, wipes and booked our vacation to Cancun. She will be in Vegas for 3 days for work and wanted to see what it was like to literally walk in my shoes. Yesterday she got 1st hand of what my morning routine was and lets just say MIL sister had a break down. I asked her if she wanted me to step in and she said no, she needs to learn this because they will be with her for a week. Sooooo I said oookkkkk. At first she tried to correct my MIL on EVERYTHING, clothes, her eating habits, her hygiene, EVERYTHING! After 4 hrs she finally asked me, how do I handle it. I told her I was just like her, thought I had to correct her, but I figure as long as she isn’t hurting herself, anyone, I let her do whatever she wants.

Current situation: MIL sister has been swatting an imaginary red bird for an hour. She asked when do I ever get to brush my teeth, eat or take a shower…. I laughed sooooooooo hard! I told her I didn’t even get to brush my teeth for Easter and yesterday was the 1st time because she helped with her. She looked at me and said I’M SOOOO SORRY! I told her, no need, you get use to it after awhile lol. Now, enjoying my candy that I couldn’t on Easter lmfaoo

Carers story part 3

Y’all don’t understand how much I’m sooo sad to see my MIL sister leave! It was rocky in the beginning but this woman literally understands and feels what I go thru. This morning she made breakfast and let my MIL help. As we’re sitting at the table MIL comes in wearing a lampshade, her sister said oh yeah let me go get mine! I crieddddddd!!!! Yessssss!!!!!! They sat there wearing lampshades, ate their cereal with NO spoons and just acted silly together. We all went to the store and YESSS LAMPSHADES AND ALL!!!!! Her sister said for the 1st time in her life she didn’t care what anybody said or even cared about the stares. They walked hand in hand and when MIL had a meltdown she sang THIS LITTLE LIGHT OF MINE (Her comfort song) as loud as could be. She called my daughter and asked her what should she do when she has a meltdown and she told her that songs calms her down. Her sister left but she cried and cried, she said I saw the good, bad and ugly and she found herself showing sooo much compassion she didn’t know she had. I hugged her sooo tight before she left. MIL calls her, her play date. She doesn’t know who she is, but her sister said she doesn’t care. She wants to be part of her living her best life because TIME is something we cant get back once its gone. She thanked me again for opening her eyes. Ughhhh I’m sooo sad she left, but her and MIL have been texting back and forth since she left an hour ago. #HUMBLE #BEGINNINGS#GRATEFUL